Empathy for My Devil
This is my design.
Empathy for My Devil
Be Kind.
Be Compassionate.
Maybe a little weird.
And try not to fuck it all up.
Please Allow me to Introduce Myself…
I’m a woman blessed, but in pain. (Sorry I couldn’t help myself-even if it’s accurate) Since 2017, life has been a challenge. I definitely am a true Gemini, because if I need to turn it on, I can and I do it well; until recent very scary health problems. However, there are less people than I have fingers that truly know both sides of me. I hate complaining especially to people who help me, especially now, and who have enough stress to deal with, without me cryin about my shit. I’ve always been sickly since I was a kid. But now I’d take those maladies over what I’m dealing with in a second. I’m a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, and trying to encompass all that without letting all my self-doubt and anxiety get the best of me and just try not to fuck any of that up.
Prospective…
Positive growth.
Not sure how everyone feels, but am I the only person who still thinks like they’re in their 20s; wants the energy they had years ago, and ability to continue to behave like they’re 20? However, for me, I have two kids and have been with my husband for 15 years and known him for over 20 years. Not only will your body reject trying to act like you did in your 20s, but also you learn how to accept that you’re aging.
Perspective is crucial to how you behave and why. Though, decisions always come with consequences; some good and some bad. I’ve made my fair share of bad decisions. They were made when I was in my 20s and maybe a little before that, but as I’ve gotten older, I look back and wish I had been mature, and better equipped to make decisions about other people who counted on me.
B.C. before Charlotte.
What comes with it is wisdom and life experience. If you allow it to shine through instead of acting selfishly and make decisions that are in your best interest instead of your children, you haven’t allowed yourself to grow.
Children will change how you look at the world and ultimately affects the decisions you make and why. This is where the “devil” tries to seep in and appeals to your selfish side. The side that tries to justify bad decisions, like not putting your kids first or making sure, I’m taking care of myself, so I can take care of them.
Now I’m playing catch up; always trying to make up for selfish decisions. Or decisions others didn’t agree with, but ask, how selfish was I honestly? I wanted a better environment for them. And when I first came to ATX alone and working an average of 70 hours a week, and again on average, it was because I wanted more and less from them. More happy and innocent for as long as I could muster to hack it until I and I guess they were confident and not disingenuous people.
I want to really know my daughters and make sure they know I will always be there for them and support them. Taking back the choices you possibly regret isn’t an option. But loving my family w all that I have is who I am.
All you can do now is evaluate decisions that affect your family and hope you’ve grown enough to recognize when you’re not putting the right people first. It is like the example of when an oxygen mask drops in an airplane. Making sure you are ok and taking care of yourself will ultimately guide you in the right direction to help people around you. However, in all honesty it hasn’t been the first time and I can employ learning better coping skills.
Undoubtedly we have questions to ask which are unanswerable. We must trust the perfection of the creation so far, as to believe that whatever curiosity the order of things has awakened in our minds, the order of things can pacify. Every person’s condition is a solution in hieroglyphic for you to decipher inquiries you put on yourself.
I’ve never been a religious person, because I have an eclectic background and I was exposed to many religions. I wanted to know from a young age who was right. I’ll always remember something I was told and it was as long as you live your life with kindness, compassion and do the right thing, it really doesn’t matter what religion you affiliate yourself with, because at the end of the day those things are what really matter.
I’ve been better at being mindful of these things now, but I can’t say I always have and even now, do the right thing. It’s part of what makes you human. If you think back are you one who probably did more good, more bad, an even split? So, do you worry about karma, good and evil, the duality inside yourself? I’m hoping that in spite of everything I’ve done or haven’t done, creating this will be a way of therapy. Maybe act as atonement for the “devil” inside me. I’m no saint, nor prophet. I am just another person, taking it a day at a time.
Today someone asked me the difference between empathy and sympathy. They said they’re basically the same.
The difference between Empathy and Sympathy
For those of you who immediately got not only the pun, but understand the difference between sympathy and empathy I apologize for explaining something you already know. However in my opinion, it’s important to at least touch on the distinction between the two. So let’s use an example, imagine a woman who has already outlived and lost her child witness another woman who just lost her child. Now if you will imagine the woman who has experienced the same thing watch this mother and another who has no children, but loves kids and wants to have a child, which of the two witnessing is experiencing empathy vs. sympathy? The woman who has been through this before is likely crying tears of imperviously pure empathy. While the other is still crying for the loss, but because they have not lived through the experience, still feels sadness, but is experiencing sympathy. Neither of which I discredit as a valid and appropriate emotion, but there is a difference..
I don’t need to over explain, let’s make this pretty simple. If you don’t know the song I played this off of, why are you reading this… and then I have to explain the difference between sympathy and empathy, maybe you either need to keep reading or look into some pop culture. There is a song by the Rolling Stones they had that was successful called Sympathy for the Devil. Well truth is lately I feel more Devil that Saint. I’m bitter about some things, but I am also incredibly grateful for others. With sympathy it’s like you want to understand and even sometimes do relate to what they’re going through, but are thankful you aren’t and while you may get it, you feel pity that you aren’t dealing, aren’t having to be in their place. With Empathy, you feel compassion and want to help them take away guilt, heart-break, sadness, and also positive emotions, and desperately are willing to do what it takes to make this person happy, not isolated and even peaceful. Now it might be because you literally understand how it feels to have that weight, even when you acknowledge sometimes you’re selfish and the decisions you made were by no means perfect. But with empathy you feel like you’ve been there and you wish there was something you could say or do to make a difference to let them know they are not alone. Because let’s be honest… Nobody’s perfect and not many people enjoy feeling alone.
Isolation, Hostility, Anger, Resentment, and the other things…
Ever feel like things just aren’t going as planned?
I feel like I have put a lot into the relationships with my family, but I most of the time don’t feel it’s genuinely reciprocated. There’s something that I’m missing, what’s wrong with me? It probably always has been me. It explains a lot of problems and manipulation in my life. Shooting arrows of deceit, lies, and more manipulation, but coming from all sides. And it has made me deeply guarded, suspicious, jaded, and frankly the ability to do whatever I have to in order to protect my beautifully brilliant daughters. Growing up too fast isn’t fair. But when you have it shoved on you, you’re either going to deal with it and grow the fuck up and stay up, so you can handle chaos, or give it your all and fuck up sometimes or be one of those people who decide it’s too much and just bails. Well, I don’t bail.